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If it's making you this uncomfortable, then he needs to stay in a motel, or she needs to find some other place for him to sleep over once the kid goes to bed, or you need to be able to stay there also. Maybe he can sleep over at your apartment. But carefully keeping you away from the house while he stays over so often is not conducive to your comfort or trust.
And eventually you have to sleep over once you're married to her. If you don't have the money to take your out for ice cream and laser tag, then you should have suggested alternate plans "let's stay home or go to the park and play frisbee" where he could have met them without it costing anything. It is not his responsibility to pay for your.
As sorry as I feel for what you've been through, it's a bit nervy to expect him to. We have been divorced for 7 years.
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